EXCLUSIVE: ADHD sufferer with NO political experience claims he'll 'UNITE' divided nation!
In a SHOCKING development that has left political experts GOBSMACKED, a completely unqualified security guard has declared himself New Zealand's newest political SAVIOUR!
Self-proclaimed political 'genius' Nigel McFall - who admits he "STRUGGLES TO SEE BELOW THE SURFACE" due to his ADHD - has launched the laughably named 'UNITY PARTY' despite having ZERO experience in politics!
The BIZARRE wannabe PM confessed he "hadn't given much thought to politics AT ALL" before his recent diagnosis - yet now believes he can SOLVE the nation's problems!
PARLIAMENT HAKA MELTDOWN SPARKED POLITICAL DELUSIONS
McFall's political 'awakening' came after watching MP Hana-Rāwhiti Maipi-Clarke's Parliament haka, triggering what insiders describe as a MESSIAH COMPLEX!
"There was just this overwhelming amount of hate," babbled the security guard in a RAMBLING interview with student rag 'Salient', before adding the BAFFLING statement: "wouldn't it be great if there was someone who could show people how it works?"
How WHAT works? He didn't say! And the USELESS student reporter FAILED to ask!
'CRACKPOT' POLICIES INCLUDE PHILIPPINE STUDY SCHEMES!
In a JAW-DROPPING display of ignorance, McFall's 'revolutionary' policies include sending Kiwi students to STUDY IN THE PHILIPPINES - despite New Zealand universities CRUSHING Philippine institutions in global rankings!
Even MORE OUTRAGEOUS is his plan for "interest-free government loans" - a scheme economists have SLAMMED as "ECONOMICALLY ILLITERATE" and "FINANCIAL SUICIDE" for taxpayers!
CRITICS BRANDED 'ANGRY' BY DELUDED PARTY FOUNDER
When confronted about criticism, the ARROGANT party founder DISMISSED opponents, claiming they "want to keep being angry" rather than "learn and understand" his GENIUS ideas!
In a MIND-BOGGLING display of contradiction, the man behind the 'Unity' Party then declared: "Politics is about division" - apparently OBLIVIOUS to the GLARING IRONY!
ICE CREAM POLITICS? 'BIZARRE' PHILOSOPHY REVEALED!
Perhaps MOST DISTURBING was McFall's attempt at political philosophy, comparing politics to ICE CREAM: "Sometimes it's not about what flavour of ice cream you choose, it's about what you decide to sprinkle on it."
WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN?!
STUDENT JOURNALISM HITS ROCK BOTTOM!
In a DAMNING indictment of modern education, Victoria University's student magazine 'Salient' published this NONSENSE without a SINGLE challenging question!
Is THIS what our universities are producing? MINDLESS propaganda for UNQUALIFIED political chancers?
New Zealand DESERVES BETTER than this DANGEROUS political AMATEUR and his HALF-BAKED ideas!
HAVE YOU HAD AN ENCOUNTER WITH NIGEL McFALL OR HIS 'UNITY PARTY'? CONTACT OUR TIP LINE NOW!